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Anna Marie unlocked her chilly house after work. She turned up the thermostat and hung up her coat, then turned into her kitchen to heat a can of soup for her supper. Her mind was filled with her old regrets, and as she sat down to eat, her tears dripped into the soup.
She gave up on supper and went to her couch, but there she writhed in mental and emotional pain as she cried out to God, "Why, oh why did I do those stupid things? Why didn't You prevent me?"
To distract herself, she turned on the television and tried to watch some shows, but the Christmas season meant that many of the channels were showing traditional Christmas dramas.
With her head hanging between her knees she wept. "Who cares about Christmas? I ruined my life and destroyed others. I evicted poor Kevin from this marriage!" Anna Marie made another stab at praying, "God, do You ever take pity on mixed up dimwits?"
The Santas and comedies wore on Anna Marie; her mind spun in old ruts, ignoring the programs. A news program started with a story about a church recruiting volunteers for a live creche on their front yard. Real people would stand in for the nativity people.
Suddenly a new thought came. "That woman said Jesus was the Prince of Peace! If I found a creche with a Baby Jesus, I could ask him for some sign- a sign of forgiveness." On one level she knew it was foolish, but on another, her hungry heart latched onto the idea.
Anna Marie had to ask around and make phone calls, and finally discovered the church with the live creche the last day before her place of work closed for four days of Christmas holidays.
When she arrived in the church parking lot, there was no one but some donkeys and sheep at the creche site. Other cars were arriving and a few people went into the church. A bit later they came out dressed in Bible time costumes. The woman in light blue cloths gently laid a baby in the manager, and arranged the straw around him so as not to get in his face. She cooed and talked to him.
Deep, shaky breaths delayed Anna Marie a few minutes, but finally she reminded herself that this was her chance to get rid of her awful regrets for wrongs done. If this stand-in for Baby Jesus couldn't give her some sign of forgiveness, she was going to kill herself on Christmas Day. So there! Her knees felt stiff and wooden, but she drew closer as if being pulled. Finally she could look into the manager.
There was the warm, pink face with soft round cheeks. He eyed her with big blackberry eyes, and then he wrestled a fist out from the tightly wound blankets and waved it at her, pointing up at her face.
Anna Marie fell to her knees, leaned over the baby, let him grasp her right thumb and began to sob and sob. She cried passionately to the Baby Jesus. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I sinned. I should never have aborted You! Never! - I should not have kicked your daddy out either. It wasn't his fault!"
She babbled on, blinded with tears, and not aware that some of her words were coming out of her mouth. Somehow she heard a man gasp, "Rochelle, this is your mother, Anna Marie!" Lifting her tear-drenched face, she peered around for who had spoken.
Immediately she was encircled with two pairs of arms. It was Kevin, and then he introduced her to her first-born daughter, whom - he explained - she had thought she had aborted 20 years earlier, but who had been rescued by a nurse and raised by a foster family. Rochelle laughed and cried for joy. "Oh Mama, you've no idea how hard I've prayed and tried to find you!" Then as the baby in the straw began to cry, she added, "Hey,meet your grandson!"
Anna Marie was stammering frantic questions, when the young woman said, "Mama, you must come home with us! I had a turkey given to me and we need to cook it tomorrow and have a whole day of feasting and catching up!"
- Ruth Marlene Friesen
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